Thank you God.

I'm in bed, crying out to God, literally yelling out his name, thanking Him for all of the things and people he has put in my life. I'm feeling a gamut of emotions, it's a roller coaster, one moment I'm up and on top of the world and the next moment I'm crashing back down... all of this in the matter of seconds.  What a frightful yet beautiful feeling; the feeling of God's presence working within me, within all of the beautiful people I see and interact with on a daily basis. My life has been nothing short of a battle, but it has been a battle worth fighting for.  I am capable of so much love and I want to spread it with the world but sometimes I forget that, sometimes I have a hard time believing it, believing in myself.  I look in the mirror and I don't like the person I see, I'd rather go blind than live another day being me.  So many people have faith in me, so many people continue to tell me I am the light and that God is calling me to do his work and usually I believe it, I believe in myself but it is especially during these difficult days that I need their faith the most.  It is all of these beautiful people in my lives that have given me the power to be who I am, all of these beautiful people who continue to light the flame that I know I am capable of being... that I am.  Thank you God, thank you God, THANK YOU GOD for every single person in my life, every single one of them, from my family and best friend Amanda, to the little girl running around the restaurant expressing her excitement for the little things in life. Thank you God for giving me the opportunity to be able to talk to them regularly, to be able to be there for them when they need me and for giving them the love to be able to be there for me when I need them.  Thank you God for my family, because as broken as it may feel like we are, I know we are not, I know we are capable of growth because our love for one another is raw and real and true.  Thank you God for my friends Amanda and Jesse, may you give them what they need always because they do nothing but give to others.  Thank you God for Father Paul and Deacon Cecily, because of them I have you and I am not afraid to express my love for you.  Thank you God for old friends who had so much to do in shaping me, may you give them what they need to live loving and fulfilling lives.  Thank you God for all of the new and beautiful people you keep placing on my path, may our relationships continue to grow and prosper and may you provide them with the love and people they need.  Thank you God for my life, for each new day, for the Sun and the Moon and this beautiful Earth I walk upon each and every day.  Thank you God for all the roadblocks you have placed on my journey because if it were not for them, I would not know what gratitude is and I would not be as strong as I am now.  Thank you God for believing in me, for having faith in me, for being so graceful and merciful towards me.  Thank you God for being there on the days I need you the most and on the days I take you for granted.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you God, words will never be able to express my love and gratitude towards you God but you are so great that you understand my love for you and that's why you continue to work your beautiful ways in and all around me. I love you God.