The Truth

I've been wanting to write about truth lately and what it means to me but ironically have not been able to find the words.  It has been coming up in conversation, situations, thought, prayer, and reflections a lot the last week, but getting it out has been a lot harder than I imagined.

What is truth? I would ask myself, and coming up with an answer was nearly impossible.  I ask you, what is truth?... not as easy as you thought huh? ;-)

Let's begin by looking up the dictionary term:

John 8:32 (NLT) states,

"And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

Truth is many things to many people and consequently difficult to define in one statement.  We can view it as simply stating what is fact.  And yes, with our senses we are able to see the world but truth of the matter is that we interpret the world subjectively and therefore our truths may all be different.  Of course, some things are indeed fact; I live in the United States where we use the Dollar as a form of currency and our main language of communication is English.  But most things are not as easily classified.

The rector of my parish, Father Paul, is currently offering weekly Lenten Studies for this Lenten season and last week's passage was John 4:3-26 (NLT) (Jesus and the Woman of Samaria).  We discussed truth and how being vulnerable to others allows us to get to know people on a deeper more personal level, their true selves; just like Jesus's interaction with the Samarian woman.

During discussion I couldn't help to think about how God, Love, and Truth are all interrelated, neither is separated from the other two.  I came up with this image in my head as we were talking, I call it God's Wheel.  I kept thinking about how God is Love and Love is Truth so therefore God is Truth and Truth is Love... I know haha, my mind gets tangled up in webs like this often.  I realized that one cannot exist without the other.  For me, God is indeed Love and God (love) speaks the truth.

Let us dig a little deeper at this since I am yet to really answer the question, What is truth? I'm sure we could come up with an infinite amount of answers to what the truth truly is (see what I did there ;)) but here are the three that stuck out to me the most as I was reflecting on this:

1.  Speak the truth.  Ephesians 4:29 (MSG) states,

"Watch the way you talk.  Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth.  Say only what helps, each word [is] a gift."

I love this verse, it's the wallpaper on my phone- constantly reminding me to speak only the truth and not only that but to "watch the way [I] talk,"  watch what I say... watch what I do.  Regardless your beliefs or your values you will most likely agree that we should all speak the truth. We should be faithful to others and to ourselves, we shouldn't lie to get by.

The last few years I have realized that speaking the truth is so much easier when you live the truth.  Truth is an action, things we do.  If we are honest from the very beginning we won't have to lie about what we've done.  If we don't cheat then we don't have to cover up our tracks, if we don't pretend to be something we are not then we don't have to speak falseness.

Just like almost everything else, I believe truth to begin in our thoughts then continue into actions and end with our words.  So in order to speak the truth I believe it's important to act and be the truth.  It might be difficult at first because sometimes it's much more simple doing what's not true to our hearts, to our words, and to others.  But actions always speak louder than words, especially in this case.

Speaking the truth to me also means not being afraid to say how I feel.  I believe that the only things I know to be true are my interpretations and feelings to the world around me, especially my feelings.  No one can tell you that your feelings are wrong, how could they be if that is what you feel?  Even interpretations- we might interpret things incorrectly from time to time; take things out of context, misinterpreted other's intentions, etc. but they are still your interpretations which caused feelings and emotions to stir within you. 
Job 32:15 (MSG) says, 

“Do you three have nothing else to say?
Of course you don’t! You’re total frauds!
Why should I wait any longer,
now that you’re stopped dead in your tracks?
I’m ready to speak my piece. That’s right!
It’s my turn—and it’s about time!
I've got a lot to say,
and I’m bursting to say it.
The pressure has built up, like lava beneath the earth.
I’m a volcano ready to blow.
I have to speak—I have no choice.
I have to say what’s on my heart,
And I’m going to say it straight—
the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

I was never any good at bootlicking;
my Maker would make short work of me if I started in now!”

How beautiful, "I have to say what's on my heart, And I'm going to say it strait—

the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."  I absolutely LOVE and ADORE that verse.  "I have to say what's on my heart, And I'm going to say it strait—the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."  I want to repeat it over and over and over again because it's so true, it speaks to me so beautifully.

I am a very intense person when it comes to emotions and feelings (I claim it to be a result of my astrological sign- Cancer, hehe) and others, especially those whom are not as in tune with their emotions and feelings often times find it intimidating.  For a while I would hold back what I had to say and what I was feeling, but recently in the last year or so, I have been trying to speak up.  I no longer fear vulnerability, I crave it.  I want to tell people my truth, my deepest darkest feelings, I want to let them in because I want to be let in- into their hearts.  I want to help people realize that letting others in and sharing your truth is so beautiful and freeing.  If it scares people away, then so be it, but almost always they come back because I've found that deep down we all want to open up, we all want to be loved for who we truly are.  There is no right and wrong way to feel, there just is.  You feel what you feel and I believe in sharing that with those around you in order to build strong, personal, and authentic relationships. Just like the one Jesus built with the Samaritan woman!  Now of course, I think it's important to remember that there is a time and place for everything.  Taking others feelings into consideration is also important in this situation, asking ourselves if they are ready for our truth.  I'm not fearful of pushing people away if they don't like what I have to say but I also don't wish to offend anyone.

2. Being authentically myself. This means being myself no matter what.  Accepting that I am a child of God and He has created me this way.  Accepting all of my flaws and my imperfections just as easily as I have accepted everything beautiful I have to offer.  I have written on this topic a couple different times, you can find links to them here and here to get a better idea of what I mean by this.  I don't believe in rights and wrongs so I don't believe there is a right or wrong way to be.  You just are.  You are who you are, and that's it.  If you are authentically yourself, nothing else matters because you are being true and truth is love and love is God.

3. Being true to others.  Ahhh, here's where I go back to the first one.  I believe that speaking the truth is a result of being the truth. Being authentically yourself will allow others to be authentic with you.  Others will see that you are a reflection of God's love and light and that alone will help them build the confidence to be authentically themselves, to be and speak the truth.  It's a chain reaction.  We have to remember to love others for who they are, for everything that makes them them.  We cannot ask for acceptance without accepting others.  There's a quote I love, "before you judge me, take a good look at yourself."  It is sooooo hard sometimes but I really try not to judge others.  Everyone is fighting their own battle and we don't always know about the journey they are on.  All we can do is accept them for the mere fact that they are human because we're human, isn't that enough?

Everyday I try to be authentically myself, I try to live a life I want to live and be a person I love.  I try to do this by becoming incarnate of truth.  Because "the truth [has] set me free!"

So I ask you, are you incarnate of truth?  How?  If not, would you like to be? 

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I want to dedicate this post to one of my really good friends, Jacob Capin.  1) He inspired me to write about this through a series of conversations we had a couple nights ago and 2) he is just amazing in every which way... no really, every which way.  So thank you Jacob, for helping me through my writer's block and for being one of the greatest friends I've ever had.  I love you and you continue to be an inspiration to me.

Oh and just because I want to show him off (and he deserves all the praise)... he is currently training for an OLYMPIC TRIATHLON while working full time on his SECOND doctorate degree at UDel! Whaaatttt!!! Haha best of luck to you Jacob, I love being your cheerleader!  Stay true, you are the light.

My Body Is A Temple

My body is a temple and I WORSHIP it baby! Does that make me sound conceited, arrogant, immodest? Good- because I do have an excessively favorable opinion of my body, of my Spirit, of my Soul... we all should!

^"19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, ²⁰ for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body."

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NLT)

Our bodies are gifts from God, we should treat them as such.  We should cherish them and love them and CARE for them.  By loving God, I promise to love myself and those around me.  And by promising to love myself, I promise to take care of my Mind, my Body, and my Spirit in order to nourish my God-given Soul.  I love the words, "God bought you with a high price.  So you must honor God with your body."  It makes me priceless, rare, oh-so valuable.

This means several things to me:

1) I must learn to love myself for who I am, all of the beauty I have to offer and all of my imperfections (because they are beautiful too).  God made me this way, He worked long and hard, He paid a high price, for me to be this way.  Every corner, every pore, every wrinkle, every pimple, my dark skin, EVERYTHING... are gifts from God; He molded with love.

2) I must take care of my body... did everyone get that... I must TAKE CARE of my body.  I must nurture, and love it, I must honor God with [my] body.  I must nourish my body with food that will keep it healthy.  I must exercise (this includes my mind) in order for it to be strong.  I must practice good self-care and  and hygiene.  I must get sufficient sleep so it is well rested and energized.  I must learn to listen to it in order to give it what it needs, this also means slowing down when I have to.

3) I must respect my body.  This is important to me because for a long time I didn't do this, I didn't love and honor myself enough to.  This means that I don't self-harm in regards to drinking and smoking as well as sexual and other physical activities.  This also means I must demand respect from others and if they are unwilling to honor me, then I am unwilling to have them in my life.

4) I must love and respect others.  How can I demand respect and love without reciprocating the honor?  We hear in the Bible over and over, "love your neighbor as yourself."  It's not called the Golden Rule for nothing.  Treat others the way you wish to be treated.  Watch your words and watch your actions.  Love others for who they are, their perfections and imperfections and never judge a book by it's cover.  Remember, we are all children of God. (Gosh this one was full of clichés... but their clichés for a reason, right?)

Now please, don't get me wrong, it took me a loooong time for me to feel the way I do about my body.  I used to be teased all into college about my "beauty mark" (thanks mom for making me call it that), my "chicken legs," my "acne", my "nose", my "hairy arms," etc..  Who's to define beauty?  Society?  Hah!  Yeah right if I'm going to let a bunch of female and male chauvinist companies with a one track mind (--> $$$) tell me what I should look like in order to be and  feel beautiful!  For the longest time I would allow other's opinions of me to determine how I felt about myself.  Little did I know, their opinions were only a mere reflection of their own insecurities... simply taking it out on others.  And to be honest, I still have moments of unclarity and moments when I don't like what or who I see in the mirror, and that's okay it's normal.  The important thing is being able to move forward, pray and ask God for whatever confidence, clarity, and strength you need in order to get through it.  And most importantly, forgive others when they hurt you and always forgive yourself... after all, we're human, isn't that enough?  

I am a Goddess and my Body is my temple.

Comfort in Discomfort

The irony. Trying to find comfort in the uncomfortable. What do I mean?

1 Corinthians 1:25 states,

"God's foolishness is wiser than human wisdom, and God's weakness is stronger than human strength."

Jesus Christ always chose discomfort over comfort, He went against everything the people of His time knew... all for the love and faith in God. 

Think about all of the times someone or something has rubbed up against your beliefs and your values, it does one of two things. It either forces you to stand strong for what you believe in, or it makes you question what you have believed in your entire life. Neither should scare us, neither is better or worse than the other. Both are needed in order to grow as a person. Iron sharpens iron, right? If we stand stand strong for what we believe in then we know it's part of our character and who we are, if it makes us question then we know there's an opportunity to learn something new, and nothing bad ever comes from expanding our mind to new things. 

Honestly, I prefer the latter. I love being challenged, I love feeling uncomfortable, I truly do find comfort in that. Maybe not in the actual moment I'm being questioned but upon reflection I always tend to realize something new about myself and the world around me. It has been the most difficult and uncomfortable things in life that have helped me grow the most. 

So next time someone challenges you, questions you, stand up for yourself and allow your mind to open to new possibility and ideas. Don't be close minded and don't fear discomfort. Jesus didn't, and when He did He seeked God for guidance and strength.  God never failed Him and He won't fail you if you allow Him into your heart.

Inner Beauty

God always knows what we need, it is our job to search with open eyes and a loving heart...

It is so easy to get caught up in exterior and outward goals; appearance, status, career, money. It's what is instilled in us by society. Everywhere you look you see a billboard or an advertisement or some form of media expressing the importance of having "stuff" and looking a certain way. Well guess what? All of that couldn't be further from the truth. If we really needed it, they wouldn't work so hard to shove it in our faces and selling their product would be simple. God on the other hand, is patient and loving, God is all knowing, God is love and truth. God has given me so many beautiful things and each day continues to help build what's most important- my inner self. He continues to give me the strength and grace I need in order to reach my inward goals. 

Don't become enslaved by what others think you should be. Be true to yourself always. Be loving and kind and honest, speak with love and with truth, nothing else matters. TRUE natural beauty comes from within. The more beautiful we are on the inside the easier that it will be for love and joy to gleam out of every single one of our pours. If we allow God to work his joyous mysteries within us, he will radiate through us. We are ALL beautiful, because we are ALL children of God. Love yourself- all of it, the beautiful and wonderful and the imperfections, because they are beautiful too. God makes no mistakes, you are the way you are because that is how He created you, you are His skin and his flesh, you are magnificent. Stand strait, with your head held high and your body forward, smile continuously at all the true beauty we are blessed to be surrounded with. Learn to love yourself for who you are, open up your heart to God (whoever or whatever that may be for you) and let Him shine through your eyes and your smile and don't EVER let anyone tell you you are not good enough or worthy of love. God loves you and I love you, love yourself too!

Thank you God.

I'm in bed, crying out to God, literally yelling out his name, thanking Him for all of the things and people he has put in my life. I'm feeling a gamut of emotions, it's a roller coaster, one moment I'm up and on top of the world and the next moment I'm crashing back down... all of this in the matter of seconds.  What a frightful yet beautiful feeling; the feeling of God's presence working within me, within all of the beautiful people I see and interact with on a daily basis. My life has been nothing short of a battle, but it has been a battle worth fighting for.  I am capable of so much love and I want to spread it with the world but sometimes I forget that, sometimes I have a hard time believing it, believing in myself.  I look in the mirror and I don't like the person I see, I'd rather go blind than live another day being me.  So many people have faith in me, so many people continue to tell me I am the light and that God is calling me to do his work and usually I believe it, I believe in myself but it is especially during these difficult days that I need their faith the most.  It is all of these beautiful people in my lives that have given me the power to be who I am, all of these beautiful people who continue to light the flame that I know I am capable of being... that I am.  Thank you God, thank you God, THANK YOU GOD for every single person in my life, every single one of them, from my family and best friend Amanda, to the little girl running around the restaurant expressing her excitement for the little things in life. Thank you God for giving me the opportunity to be able to talk to them regularly, to be able to be there for them when they need me and for giving them the love to be able to be there for me when I need them.  Thank you God for my family, because as broken as it may feel like we are, I know we are not, I know we are capable of growth because our love for one another is raw and real and true.  Thank you God for my friends Amanda and Jesse, may you give them what they need always because they do nothing but give to others.  Thank you God for Father Paul and Deacon Cecily, because of them I have you and I am not afraid to express my love for you.  Thank you God for old friends who had so much to do in shaping me, may you give them what they need to live loving and fulfilling lives.  Thank you God for all of the new and beautiful people you keep placing on my path, may our relationships continue to grow and prosper and may you provide them with the love and people they need.  Thank you God for my life, for each new day, for the Sun and the Moon and this beautiful Earth I walk upon each and every day.  Thank you God for all the roadblocks you have placed on my journey because if it were not for them, I would not know what gratitude is and I would not be as strong as I am now.  Thank you God for believing in me, for having faith in me, for being so graceful and merciful towards me.  Thank you God for being there on the days I need you the most and on the days I take you for granted.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you God, words will never be able to express my love and gratitude towards you God but you are so great that you understand my love for you and that's why you continue to work your beautiful ways in and all around me. I love you God.

What is Faith?

Yesterday my sister asked me what faith was to me.  I guess as a result of giving her a generic answer, she replied with, "I'm stuck at [the idea] that faith isn't necessary... it is wasted energy." :o My jaw couldn't help but drop after reading those words... my baby sister.. doesn't have faith... but not only that, she thinks it's "wasted energy."

My family is all in Mexico while I am here in Delaware and the distance tends to get very difficult, especially during times of trouble.  My family has been going through a lot the last couple years, particularly mine, my sisters, and my moms relationship with my father.  The last time I visited made it evident that things were not getting any better.

It's difficult for me, when I'm thousands of miles away. I can't imagine how difficult it must be on my mom and my sister... and my father! When they are dealing and interacting with one another on a daily basis.  I couldn't respond to her right away, I was flabbergasted, disappointed, angry, and I simply didn't know what to say.  After reflecting on her words, meditating on our lives as a family, and praying to God, I was able to come to the following.  So dear sister, you ask me what is faith and I answer with the following:

What is faith?  What is hope?

It is important to remember that faith and hope are different than wishful thinking.  To wish is to long or desire something or someone, to have faith is to have confidence and trust in something or someone, and to have hope is to believe that what we want can be had.  Don’t get the three confused.  Faith and hope are important parts of life and are often times intertwined, we have hope in our faith.  But unfortunately through time, wishing has also become interrelated with the two but we must learn to distinguish.

I don’t want you to ever feel like faith is not necessary because it is. Wishing that things would change is not necessary, that is wasteful energy not, having faith in something or someone we believe in and knowing that what we want can be had.

If you spend time wishing dad will change then you are right, you are wasting time.  Wishing is simply thinking about the things, people, situations in our lives that we do not currently have.  When you wish that dad will change his ways, you are simply stating that you want him to be different.

How faith is different is that in addition to confidence it also requires action.  Faith = belief + confidence + action.  Faith is believing in something, finding the confidence and courage, and actually doing something about it.  This can be seen in many ways.  For example, I have faith in God.  I do not wish to God or on God rather I have faith that God exists in my life.  Because of this faith in God I am able to find the confidence and courage that I need in order to be a better person (action).  Because of my faith, I act like a child of God by following God’s words the best that I can.  In return, I am able to see God everywhere and every day in my life.  I have faith that God exists, I act as if God exists (because to me God does), and in return God shows me love through many things (work, friends, family, community, the fact that the sun rises and settles every day, the flowers that bloom after winter, the birds chirping outside my window every morning,  being able to forgive those whom have hurt me, asking God and those for forgiveness when I have hurt them, love, content, FULFILLMENT… all of these are signs from God that God is with me).

When we wish for things we usually do just that, wish.  We don’t go out and get them.  “I wish I had a nicer car,” “I wish I was thin,” “I wish he liked me back,” “I wish I was smarter,” “I wish I had more money,” “I wish my dad would change.” All you are doing in these situations is saying that you want things to be different, you are not actually doing anything to change them.  When you have faith it turns into “I have faith that God will not let me go hungry and provide me with the things I need to live,” “I have faith that my father can change,” “I have faith that I don’t need to look like anyone else in order to love myself,” “I have faith that I can pass school,” and so on.  And once you begin to have faith in God and yourself, God will give you the confidence and courage you need in order to actually go out and change the things about your life you wish were different.  Once you find courage and confidence through God you can actually go out and make a difference… and this is key.  ACTION… acting… doing something to change the situation.

So yes, faith DOES start with you.  And remember, you can only have faith for yourself, you cannot have faith for others. You can only show them what having faith has done for your life and have faith that that alone will help them want to change theirs.

Have faith in my dad, have confidence in yourself, and follow up with that. If you want dad to change, YOU have to change first.  What can YOU do differently? How can YOU change?  You could begin by asking God for patience with dad, for the confidence and courage you need in order to start loving yourself and begin living a life that you truly want to live.

I end with this: Who do you want to be?  Who do you need to be in order to live a life you love?  Once you love yourself and the life you have created for yourself, love will gleam out of every pore in your body and people will only be able to see love, people will be able to see God.   And when one is surrounded by love, how could they themselves not love in return?  God is truth and truth is love.  Be true to yourself, love yourself, and live a life with grace and dignity, a life you are proud of living.

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Hebrews 11 (NLT)

Great Examples of Faith

"11 Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. ² Through their faith, the people in days of old earned a good reputation.

³ By faith we understand that the entire universe was formed at God’s command, that what we now see did not come from anything that can be seen.

³² How much more do I need to say? It would take too long to recount the stories of the faith of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel, and all the prophets. ³³ By faith these people overthrew kingdoms, ruled with justice, and received what God had promised them. They shut the mouths of lions,³⁴ quenched the flames of fire, and escaped death by the edge of the sword. Their weakness was turned to strength. They became strong in battle and put whole armies to flight. ³⁵ Women received their loved ones back again from death.

³⁹ All these people earned a good reputation because of their faith, yet none of them received all that God had promised. ⁴⁰ For God had something better in mind for us, so that they would not reach perfection without us."